After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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