Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
