So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
