I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
