i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
