Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
