they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
