sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What drink are we having for lunch?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
