I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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