he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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