Fine. I'll sleep in my office
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
