woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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