we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
