last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
