I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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