I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
