Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
