If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
