I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
