I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just high enough for therapy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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