I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
