I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
