i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
