I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
