P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
