just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
should my penis look like a turkey
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
