Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
