I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize