Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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