you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dear god my vagina.
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