He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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