Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
