Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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