I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
