at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
