Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize