There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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