thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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