not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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