turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
