Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
