I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
