Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
