I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
