His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize