My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
