Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
