when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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