I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
