He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize