I just made out with a guy for $7.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
