I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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