Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
