I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
