The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize