Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
