it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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