Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
