Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize