ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
