Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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