i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
