I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
