Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize