how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
