idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
