So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
