there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
