Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
