just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize