what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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