My ATM looks so different sober.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
