it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
