I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
