Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
