He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
false alarm. still invincible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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