Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize