my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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