these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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