I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
