There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
