how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
