so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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