I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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