I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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